Tips on How to help a Friend who's in an Abusive Relationship

1. Tell them it's not them fault. You can never make someone else hurt you.
2. Tell them they doesn't deserve it. No one ever deserves to be hurt.
3. Tell them they're not crazy. A person who's been abused often feels upset, depressed, confused, and scared. Let them know these are normal feelings to have.
4. Don't try to pretend that the abuse isn't happening, or that it isn't that bad. Let your friend know that you take it very seriously; pretending it's no big deal doesn't make it go away.
5. Tell them good things about themselves. Let them know you think they're smart, strong, and brave. them abuser is telling them they is stupid and tearing down them self-esteem.
6. Try to help your friend break out of the isolation their abuser has put them in. Keep in contact with them on the phone or by going out with them.
7. Don't spread gossip--it could put them in danger.
8. Don't try to make them do anything they doesn't want to (it won't work unless it's them decision).
9. Encourage them to build a wide support system-- go to a support group, talk to friends and family.
10. Don't blame them for the abuse or them decisions; leaving an abusive relationship is hard and usually takes a long time.
11. See if they needs medical attention--they may not realize the extent of them injuries.
12. Give them good information about abuse--you can call your local crisis line and get information about the impact of abuse on children and that drugs and alcohol do not cause domestic violence.
13. Tell them that domestic violence is a crime and they can call 911 for help. If it's not safe to stay on the phone with the operator run or go to safe place.
14. Help them develop a safety plan for the time they stays as well as the time when they leaves.
15. Listen. Let them express all their fears and feelings. Even giving them good advice in a kind and respectful manner can be received as pressure and/or a reminder of everything they is not doing "right."
16. Don't initially challenge or reject them feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment. Give them time. they needs to come to them own conclusions about them self-defeating thinking. If they follows what you say, then they has substituted one kind of dependence for anotthem.
17. Don't blame or attack the abuser. It will confuse them and, perhaps, move them to defend themselves. Up to now they may have found some internal peace by making excuses for a person who says he/they loves them yet can abuse them so badly.
18. Be patient. their self-empowerment may take longer that you want. Go at the victim's pace, not yours, unless the danger is imminent.
19. Ask them about the children. Encourage them to talk about the effects this is having on them. Validate those concerns. It may help them leave in future.
20. Don't give up. Let them know you will always be there for them when they may need help or just needs someone to talk to.